Who am I?

Ma Deva Indra

The question of who I really am has played an important role in my whole life. Meditative self-inquiry has finally satisfied this deepest desire. The search is over and all the questions have disappeared!

My own pursuit of the ultimate truth began when I was but a child. When I was just 7, I had my first conscious experience of separating from my body. 
And for many long years my chattering Mind was just filled with thoughts of fear and despair.

Glimpses of the true home

Born and raised in Amsterdam (1951) I experience a growing discontent and incomprehension. I feel like an outsider, a homeless waif, and in no way do I fit into the picture my loving parents have of their child.
For a long time, I live in my inner world where there is only love. There is no separation between me and the other; everything glows and shines. There are no judgments, only freedom… until I am abruptly remonstrated and told to do my best and fit in. Because I truly want to be part of the family (and later whatever group I associated with), I do my utmost to adapt. My doubts about the authenticity of my experience within my inner world increases as I struggle to change. I continue to fail to understand my changing moods, with depression, headache and panic alternating with moments of sudden peace, joy and relaxation. These often brief moments of awakening serve only to stimulate my – then still unconscious – desire to find the ultimate truth.

Self-created prison

When the family moves from the big city to a small village in far-off Friesland at the onset of puberty, I become even more depressed. Desperately, I try to find my way in an environment where I am laughed at and ignored because I look different and don’t understand the dialect. I feel like a stranger again.
When I ask about what real truth, love and freedom are, all too often I just get a frown as an answer. The door of my mental prison closes slowly but surely, and slams shut. Feeling tormented like a caged animal, trapped in a world of lies and falsehood, I cast around desperately for a way out.
That way out seems to appear when I fall in love and marry at barely 18 years of age. This commitment blesses me with the birth of three unique children (and now six very special grandchildren).
However, it soon turns out that this relationship is also far from perfect and with continued desperation I look for a solution. Divorce is out of the question at that time and only after thirty years am I finally able to break the hypnosis of marriage definitively and lovingly. At that moment, I feel truly free for the very first time!

The prison gate is open

Free of my chains, I extend my wings. I have an inordinate desire to live as I really am, lovingly, without masks, dogmas or pretensions. Especially during deep meditation I experience glimpses of who and what I really am – tantalising insights that disappear after a shorter or longer period of time. The ongoing hunger to discover permanent truth drives me to follow courses in personal and spiritual development. These bring me sublime moments of profound happiness and inner knowing, in which I feel connected to my divine origin: the world of dance, colour, light and love. I successfully complete a wide variety of training courses. The year 2000 marks the festive opening of my independent practice for spiritual coaching where I can guide others in ending their all too often restless quest.

The big turn-around

During one of those courses, Osho – the Indian mystic – storms into my life. His words reveal a hidden wisdom that I’ve been searching for all my life. He speaks of the Sutras of Atisha (a disciple of Gautama Buddha) that point to the possibility of living in love, truth and freedom: No-mind. Totally spellbound, I drink in Osho’s words. After a long search, I eventually come across ‘The Seven Points of Mind Training’, an intensive training workshop held at the foot of the impressive Himalayas in northern India.
Once in India, the power of magic and silence is revealed. What happens to me there is so enormous that I can hardly name it: a quiet joy, deep relaxation, unconditional love, pure freedom and much more. The training is given in English and I feel the need to translate the words into my mother tongue (Dutch).
Back in the Netherlands I share my experience with friends. They hang on my lips and ask me to write a book, sharing what I have experienced. My heart jumps at the idea, yet I hesitate. It is only later that I become aware of my insecurity, my feeling of ‘not being good enough’. My doubts set off a war in my head, with crazy, spinning thoughts about past and future. Dismayed, I see that I have – as it were – relinquished my seat behind the steering wheel: my mind is driving the car and my essence is on the back seat. And that process is precisely what this book is about!

Slowly, a book appears

There follows an intense period of writing and I feel the seeds of the Sutras sinking deeper within me and coming to life. While writing, I gain ongoing fresh insights into the strategies of the mind, how thoughts and beliefs determine behaviour and feelings. A completely new vision – on unconditional love, inner truth, freedom, life and death, compassion and realisation of God – is revealed. I am barely able to stop and enjoy the joy and inspiration that I feel blessed to receive. Yet there are also times when old ghosts – demons – emerge from the basement. After some practise, I’m able to look at the demons and, as I invite them closer, they suddenly dissolve and disappear into thin air! From the deepest place inside me joyous laughter wells up in order to be expressed with wonder and enthusiasm.

The accident

In order to write my book I leave the dreary, wintry Netherlands in early 2019 for the pleasant climate of Florida. While there, I slip on a wet floor and fall heavily on my back and head, losing consciousness and hovering on the edge of death for a long time. The result of the fall is long-term low-grade inflammation for which there is no apparent treatment. This unfortunate accident, resulting in brain injury, turns out to be a painful, yet unexpected gift.
In utter despair at ever recovering, I give up my search. In this state of being confined to bed, I can no longer write… yet a miracle happens. In my apathetic state, I suddenly hear a voice saying, “Stop trying to get what you think will give you satisfaction; just stop and be quiet.” This voice appears to come from Gangaji (dedicated to Ramana Maharshi and Papaji) and causes another great shift in my consciousness and physical recovery. Gangaji’s invitation to stop searching and watch ‘that which is always present’ strikes at the very heart of my being.

In this moment of complete surrender, the mind falls completely silent and to my surprise, my original self appears there in all its glory. I know and experience who I really am! Truth ‘is’! What all the ancient sources of wisdom have pointed to has now been revealed to me, and unnecessary suffering becomes a thing of the past. This experience leaves me in a permanent state of bliss and has not left me since.
The promise of an authentic life in truth unfolds infinitely in the deep silence of my heart. All my questions have been destroyed. I know, I experience and I am at home in the source of all existence. The missing pieces have fallen into place and very slowly my ability to write picks up again.

Birth of a book about self-realisation

This old knowledge is still accurate today and I have been gifted to share it with you in a truthful, accessible form. The gift of the accident resulted in my having all the space to write and has led to this book: ‘Seven golden keys to immediate self-realisation’ – a powerful method of transforming obstacles mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The book was recently published in Dutch (January 2023) and you are now holding the English version in your hands.
It is my heartfelt wish that all beings may live in freedom and peace and that this book may contribute to a loving, free world in which everyone wakes up and frees himself from unnecessary suffering, greed and (self-)hatred.

At home in source!

Writing about my inner and outer journey has completely changed my life: now I am able to perceive my self-created dramas and thoughts, making the illusionary world and the associated unnecessary suffering a thing of the past. With wonder, I see how everything appears and disappears in one great, unfathomable, eternally changing consciousness.
Conscious observation of the ‘games’ of the mind gives me the power to disconnect from any identification with the content of my thoughts. I consider myself lucky that my search has come to an end. Everything that I was looking for was so close that I didn’t notice.


Each in his/her own way, Osho and Gangaji have appeared in my field of consciousness as beacons of light. As I have experienced it, death is not an end point, but an ever-expanding consciousness.
Living from moment to moment I am moved to perceive this brave body and experience life as gifts that movs on in an infinite, unlimited awakening full of joy, compassion, peace and love in freedom!
The deep ecstasy and bliss that I experience again and again every moment cannot be understood or expressed in words; they transcend reason. Yet all the great masters have invited us to continue searching for the expression of this life-changing experience.

Discovering self

Out of deep gratitude I make my life available to you, so that what I have received can support you in opening up and flourishing. The form that suits me best is the offer of this book along with Satsang meetings.

“What a gift to love myself without hesitation, to sing with joy and to dance in the streets… to experience ultimate freedom and unconditional love for everyone and everything!”

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