Gangaji appears during my surrender
The more I strain to remember what I’ve learned about thoughts, the less I know. The effort of thinking is even too much for me. I see how each thought eventually returns to the first, as if in a circle. I feel like a hamster in a wheel that he keeps turning.
Meanwhile, my body is wasting away and depression lurks just around the corner.
Finally I give up all effort and surrender in despondency.
Gangaji appears during my surrender
Then, as I listen to music on my laptop, I hear a penetrating, melodious voice asking, “Are you willing to be quietly present in this moment? So that you can experience the infinitely deep peace and freedom that lies beneath all the turbulence?”
This voice turns out to come from Gangaji (devoted to Ramana Maharshi and Papaji) and causes another major shift in my consciousness. Her invitation to stop searching and look at ‘that-which-is-always-present’ touches me at the core of my being. My thoughts fall completely silent and that ends my personal story of suffering. The promise of am authentic life in truth unfolds in the deep silence of my heart. All my questions have disappeared, I am at home in the source.
Even though the unnecessary suffering is over, my body still experiences a lot of pain and then there is that eternal cold. I know that staying in a warm country will do my body good. I express my wish in peace. My beloved friend, who is now an informal caregiver, sells his house and buys a Renault Trafic, converted into a camper. Shortly afterwards we leave southwards.
I spend the journey with my eyes closed in silence, surrounded by a loving presence, and deeply grateful for the sacrifice my friend makes to guide me to a warm place.